


the stars in your eyes are dying

by aeteal



Category: Minecraft (Video Game), Video Blogging RPF
Genre: Angst, Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Coming Out, Crying, Hurt/Comfort, Internalized Homophobia, Lots of Crying, M/M, OR IS IT, Sexuality Crisis, Sick Character, Sleepovers, Soulmate AU, Star Tears, Terminal Illnesses, Unrequited Love, dreamnap, i want more dreamnap and i want it now, lots of pining, small injury, star tears are a lot like hanahaki btw, there are a lot of interpretations of it so i tried to get creative
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-09-10
Updated: 2020-11-13
Packaged: 2021-03-06 20:22:57
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, Major Character Death
Chapters: 3
Words: 5,676
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26384839
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/aeteal/pseuds/aeteal
Summary: Somethings not right.His heart shouldn't swell so much when he laughs. His breath shouldn't catch in his own throat when he hears him talk. His mind shouldn't wonder at every possible thought of him.And his tears shouldn't be so vibrant- so colorful. They shouldn't sting as they slide down his face, and they shouldn't stain his sleeves purple when they crash onto his hands.
Relationships: Clay | Dream/Sapnap (Video Blogging RPF)
Comments: 43
Kudos: 367





	1. 1

It starts off slow, a small sigh of a song he barely manages to hear. Sapnap is sitting on the edge of his bed when it happens, fists balled tightly onto the sheets as he helplessly cries. He doesn’t particularly know why he’s crying, he just knows that the world around him is too much to handle right now, so he’ll cry.

His first instinct is to call Dream, so he grabs at his phone to send a text asking if he’s even awake. He sends one message, and then another, and then his texts don’t stop. “I need to talk, I feel bad, I don’t know if you’re busy rn,” etc. It’s only after the screen is full of his blue messages that Sapnap is reminded of the time hiding at the top of his phone screen- 1:42 am. He sighs, laying back onto his bed. Sapnap holds his phone above his face, glancing over the screen dazedly. Some dark part of himself says to delete the messages and just lay on the ground and die, and then some other part says it’s too late, Dream’s gotten the notifications already. Sapnap groans and sits back up, setting his phone down on a pillow.

Dream... It’s moments like this (and really just moments in general) that Sapnap finds himself thinking of him. They’ve discussed the overwhelming burden of living plenty of times before, and right now Sapnap wants nothing more than to call his friend and release every thought weighing in his mind, every insecurity scratching his skin, and every anxiety tugging at his heart because Dream will listen. He’ll talk through the thoughts with Sapnap, he’ll bring him back to Earth from the deep space of his own thoughts, and then he’ll ask if he wants to play a game as a distraction. From there, the conversation will drift again to whatever it will, and as Sapnap will come down from his breakdown he and Dream will laugh together. It’s that laugh he’s thinking about now, airy and loud and comfortable, and his face feels warm with new tears. Sapnap takes a deep breath, focusing on the ground in front of him as he attempts to calm his cries, and as another tear slides down his cheek he hears it.

It’s a small twinkling noise, and the sound carries like an intricate windchime until it crashes like a crystal being shattered, and the tear slides off his chin. 

“What..?” Sapnap mumbles, letting go of the sheets to feel his red cheeks. Where he expects warm, salty tears, he’s met with a cold, almost crisp liquid and he has to blink when suddenly he feels it in his eyes. “What the fuck!” He cries out now, eyes blurry when he reopens them. Sapnap whips his head left and right, examining the room around him. Where tears normally spillover, a shimmering purple liquid is brimming in his eyes. It’s hard to see through it, it makes his eyes sore, and as more tears fall that damn twinkling just won’t stop.

A sudden panic sets in- what if it’s blood? Confused, Sapnap frantically wipes away at his eyes. The tears stick to his sleeves, staining them purple (he’s been wearing this damn white hoodie for days now with no motivation to change, so maybe a ruined sleeve is what he gets for that) and it’s not helping his visible confusion. As he clenches his fist, staring at the droplets of the liquid on his palm. The tears make a crunched twinkling noise under his fingers like he’s stomping on glass, and as he opens his hand again the purple is gone. Still panicking, he fumbles for his phone with his free and tear free hand.

Honestly, he can’t really tell if any of that was real. The tears were just there one moment, gone the next, and an hour of research on his phone can’t tell him anything helpful. His searching is interrupted by a text, which he initially was too caught up in an article to check, and then his reading is replaced by his own face as a facetime call breaks his thoughts. Dream’s calling him back.

Oh, shit. He forgot he sent those texts. Frowning, Sapnap quickly turns off the lights, crawls under his blanket, and hits accept.

-

“Thank you for talking to me,” Sapnap mumbles, “I.. I needed that.”

“Of course, dude. Go to bed, I’ll text you in the morning.” Dream sounds tired on the other side of the screen, both of their facetime screens just focused on their dark ceilings. “I love you Sapnap.”

For some reason, it hurts to hear those words right now, and Sapnap pauses.

“I love you too.”

“Goodnight.”

Sapnap hangs up first, blinking as his screen displays the time. It’s nearly 4 am now, and he settles himself into his pillow. He hadn’t talked about the tears, and in all honesty hearing Dreams soft voice as he whispered reassurance to him had made him forget entirely. 

His dream is full of twinkling, and Dreams laugh.

-

The next time it happens, it’s a few weeks after that bad night that seems insignificant at this point. After waking up that morning with wake up texts from Dream and and invitation to join a game with George, the strange tears had been all but forgotten. Until now that is, when Sapnap is alone in his kitchen fumbling through cabinets with one hand and twitter with the other because he swears he washed that one popcorn bowl last night. It takes him a few more searches, but he does find it off near the top shelf with other cups. He’s just barely too short for this one cabinet, and he huffs with frustration. Frowning and reaching on his tiptoes, his fingers grip a little too aggressively onto the lip of the bowl. It tips over the edge of its shelf, and from how his body is angled it’s falling directly towards his face. Thinking fast, Sapnap uses the little bit of grip he still has to push it out of its path, and instead, he smashes the damn thing onto the counter.

It shatters, and there isn’t enough time to pull away his hand as the glass covers the granite. The force from his push shoves his hand directly into the broken pieces, and he gasps before he can even register the pain. Shit. He pulls the hand away slowly, wincing as shards of glass come up with it. For a moment, he doesn’t even know what to do. It’s probably 10 whole seconds before his own body can respond to the wound and suddenly blood is pouring down his arm.

Sapnap panics as he runs to the sink, practically throwing his phone onto the counter. His hands are shaking, his face is flushed, and the combination of the searing pain and the gorey site is creating a sickly sweet mixture of nausea in his throat. He stutters out curses, wincing as he moves to take out the larger pieces. They crinkle onto the sink below him, and he takes a deep breath as he moves to turn on the water. 

Holy shit. It really fucking hurts.

If he didn’t have neighbors in this apartment building, surely this would be a good time to yell as loud as humanly fucking possible. Pain sucks, and all of it was so unexpected and so sharp that it distracts him enough to let a few tears slide down his face.

Small purple droplets mix with red in the sink, swirling together in a morbid beauty as they run down the drain and drown out the chorus of twinkling tears. Now, maybe, just maybe, he will yell, because the tears are real and back have just added to his list of bullshit to deal with.

“FUCK!” Sapnap winces, holding his wrist and using his elbow to turn the faucet. Quickly, before he has to do this part, he glances over at the time and groans pitifully. George was supposed to be over in 20 minutes, which is why he was making the damn popcorn in the first place. They were having a movie night, they being Sapnap and George.

Dream said he was busy tonight, and he wouldn’t be joining the two for the film. It hurt at first, knowing it wouldn’t be the whole trio, but he can’t think of that hurt as he places his palm under the cool running water and sobs.

-

“What happened to your hand?” George asks as he sits down on the couch, pointing at the heavily bandaged fist Sapnap is holding close to himself.

“I broke a glass, no big deal. Just don’t go into the kitchen without shoes, I might’ve missed some of the pieces cleaning up.”

“Okay. Are you alright?”

“Yeah.”

“Okay.”

-

It’s another month in passing before he learns anything useful. He’s at the optometrist because lately, things are blurring in and out of focus too much, and the slightest lights are way too bright and give him the worst possible headache. The sudden presence of black dots in his vision are a cause for concern too, so here he is, bouncing his leg anxiously as he sits and waits for the doctor to return.

It isn’t good news. 

It’s a disease of the eyes, influenced by the heart. It’s called star tear disease; a situation of unrequited love is slowly but surely deteriorating his vision, and the only solution is admission to those feelings. The damages will get progressively worse from here, but if handled before it goes too far, physical therapy and copious examinations can bring him back to his full vision. 

“What if I just don’t cry? Then it can’t get worse, right?”

“No. Even if you don’t cry, the damages will still be going on in your body. Eventually, you won’t be able to not cry. The tears will have to exit your body somehow.”

He asks how long he has.

It’s 2 months at most before he’s irreversibly blind.

And not too long after that, the disease spreads to his brain, and he’ll die.

When he’s home that night, he cries harder then he has in his entire life. Every possible emotion is pouring out of his eyes into his pillow, and even when faced with his own mortality all he can really do is think about his friends. He has to tell Dream and George, he has to let them know, has to warn them that his time is limited. Sapnap doesn’t even know what falling in love, real love, feels like, so how is he supposed to sort it out in 2 months? Even if he can, how can he even confess himself to someone? Especially someone he knows? It’s pitiful, and he sobs to drown out the twinkling as he stains his sheets with his tears.

His vision is clouded over purple, and his dreams and heart are full of green.


	2. 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I originally had more in mind for this update but i settled for the events of one night. enjoy!!

He’s sitting crisscrossed, squished between his two best friends on his couch, when he realizes that talking about this is going to be harder than he thought. 

Soft light from streetlamps peeking through the curtains only partially brighten up the room, and Sapnap can barely make out the faces of his friends beside him. It’s late, and the tv illuminates bright pink and blue details on their skin, reflecting the eyesore game that’s honestly just an insult to color itself. Dream has the controller now, mashing furiously at the buttons as his on-screen character makes it through the level. He’s to Sapnap’s left, and on the other side George is leaning against the arm of the couch while scrolling mindlessly at his phone. In the middle, Sapnap is blinking away the brightness from the TV which blurs in his vision. He had to give up his turn earlier from the headaches his worsening vision had been giving him, but now he’s just bored.

The three stay this way for a few minutes longer until the silence is interrupted by a defeated groan from Dream. The screen lights up with an, “ELIMINATED”, message, and George laughs at Dream’s frustration. 

“This game is so dumb!” Dream yells, shoving the controller to his right into Sapnaps lap, and now the youngest of their trio is laughing along. Jokingly upset by the other two, Dream leans back into his side of the couch and kicks his legs up onto his friends.

“You do better!” He challenges.

“Just don’t be so bad at the game!” George says back, using his free hand to push away Dream’s foot that’s shoving into his chest. “And get off me!”

Sapnap is still laughing, weakly slapping Dream’s thighs to get them off of his own. 

“Sapnap, stop laughing, you couldn’t make it as far as I did.”

“Is that a challenge?” Sapnap asks. He hadn’t been particularly trying to play again, his headache unceasing, but he can’t pass up the teasing remarks as he grips the controller.

“Absolutely.”

In the dark of the room, Sapnap looks up at Dream's face. He’s smirking at him, annoyingly smug as he stretches his legs again to rest entirely on Sapnap, who hadn’t protested the contact to the extent George had. There’s a brief moment where all they do is stare at each other quietly, and with a smile Dream turns his head to look back at the screen. Sapnap does the same, ignoring the sting in his eyes and pounding of his head.

The game goes all but smooth. Sapnap doesn’t make it past the first round, but only because he didn’t see some other player sneak up behind and drag him off the map right before the finish line. All 3 of the men on the couch yell as the “ELIMINATED” text pops back up on screen, and George is the first to poke fun.

“How on Earth did you not see him Sapnap?” George cries, pointing at the screen. Sapnap whines, shoving the controller over into George’s hands.

“I don’t know.” He replies shortly. “That was dumb.” His words lack their normal intensity, which elicits a questionable glance from the other two. Crossing his arms, Sapnap leans back into the couch and squints at the blurry screen. At this point, all shapes have lost detail in his vision, and the intensity of the lights he sees is muting most everything else. It’s been another 2 weeks since his diagnosis, and he had brought his friends over today to break the news. At first, he was going to say it once they had both arrived, but he managed to procrastinate his own grim announcement and there wasn’t really anywhere in the mood for it. 

So he stays silent, biting back complaints about his pounding headache that’s now ripping at his brain with a sudden intensity. It’s getting increasingly difficult, however, as he places a hand tentatively onto his forehead and rubs his temples. He’s praying that the others don’t notice his change in attitude, and nearly groans because they obviously did.

“Are you feeling okay?” Dream asks, not having shifted his legs yet from resting entirely on Sapnap. The closeness is suddenly unwelcomed, and with a frown Sapnap gently pushes Dream’s body off of his.

“I have, like, a really bad headache outta nowhere.” Sapnap mumbles as the pain only seems to increase. “Not a big deal.” His last words go ignored as a small hand presses against his forehead and George pushes the hair out of Sapnaps eyes. 

“You don’t feel very warm, do you want some Ibuprofen or something?” George stands up, placing his phone down on his vacant spot. Sapnap nods hesitantly, rubbing his temple to soothe some of the pressure in his head.

As George grabs their various dishes and walks to the kitchen in search of medicine, Dream sits himself back up straight and puts a hand on Sapnaps upper back. “Poor Sappy Nappy,” He teases, rubbing small circles in the space between his shoulders, “You’ve probably got a migraine.” Sapnap nods along to that assumption, unable to form words as he focuses on the pain in his brain and the affectionate pats from Dream. The older man asks a few more questions, mostly assessing symptoms as Sapnap shakes his head for yes and no. He’s not nauseous or sick, but judging from how dizzy he is that might just change. It’s quiet while the two sit there, Dream shifting his body so he can face Sapnaps back and rub his shoulders comfortingly. Even after years of friendship, small gestures from Dream such as this justle the butterflies in his stomach, and the younger man is practically melting into the soothing touches.

By the time George returns with a glass of water and 3 small tablets, Sapnap is fighting the urge pass out right then and there. He tiredly reaches for the cup and the medicine, taking them from George and quickly downing them both. After a few moments, Dream gently pulls the half-empty cup out of Sapnaps tired hands.

“You sleepy?” Dream asks, setting the glass on a side table. “It’s late, we don’t have to stay up.” (He’s lying, Sapnap checked the time a few minutes earlier, it’s only half passed 11.)

“Yeah, going to bed might help you feel better.” George adds, settling back down to his spot.

“No, it’s fine.” Sapnap says, shifting so Dream can’t reach his back anymore. The soft touches didn’t feel as comforting anymore, as it just made his heart ache as much as his head. “Let’s just watch a movie.” 

-

He doesn’t remember falling asleep during the film, and he doesn’t even realize he has until he wakes up to a particularly loud bird from outside. Blinking slowly, pushing away the fog of sleep, Sapnap stares at the blurry rays of sunlight peeking through the curtains of the living room. It’s illuminating his furniture and the walls so softly that it looks almost like a dream, he notes. Speaking of dreams, the weight of a body pressed against Sapnaps and the presence of legs tangling with his own feels so unreal that it takes him a moment to process what’s even going on. He’s lying horizontally on the couch, close to the edge and almost threatening to fall off, but the strong arms of someone who's pressing up to his back keep him steady from rolling over. In the sunlight, Sapnap can look down and clearly recognize the soft greens of Dreams hoodie that cover the hand resting on his waist. He blushes, gather his thoughts, and focuses on Dreams soft snores in his ear.

Glancing around a bit more, Sapnap can now make out the shape of George sprawled onto blankets and pillows on the rug a few feet away. He’s still asleep like Dream, and a quick glance at the TV’s default screen explains why. It’s just past 7 am, and the light Sapnap is catching must be the first glance of the sunrise. Barely awake, Sapnap starts to feel awkward in his positioning on the couch. Usually he’s the one to initiate such an intimate cuddle, and he’s 100% the usual bigger spoon when he’s sleeping like this with his friends.

But maybe this is different, because Dream is holding him like he couldn’t let go if he tried and all semblance of last night's migraine is wiped away completely. It’s the most comfortable he’s been waking up for a while, and it’s enough to lull him right back to sleep, but not before he shifts his hand down to rest right on top of Dreams- It makes his eyes sting with unshed tears. 

-

A sharp poke to his ribs wakes him up this time.

“Morning..” Dream mumbles tiredly as Sapnap moves his hand to protect his chest from anymore pokes via Dream. His voice is heavy and sleep-laden as Sapnap opens his eyes, blinking away the brightness of the room. It’s certainly later in the day now, as the sun illuminates the entire room from the wide-open blinds. 

“Hmmm, mornin’.” Sapnap murmurs back, accent slipping through in his exhaustion as he yawns. “Did you just wake up?”

“Pretty much.” Dream replies with an exhale, resting his chin onto Sapnaps shoulder. They’re still intertwined, bodies pressed tightly against one another, and Sapnap shivers from the warmth.

They stay there for a few moments, Dream rubbing his thumb over the fabric of Sapnaps jacket quietly until they can both wake up enough to get up. George is in the kitchen, loudly shuffling with pans and bowls as he gets to work making breakfast. The entire apartment smells of pancakes, and Sapnap frowns as he pulls himself away and out of Dream’s arms.

-

He can’t do it.

Dream and George are walking out of his front door on their way to their own cars so that they can get ready for their own day. They have work, Sapnap called off. 

He didn’t tell them.

Sapnap sits at his kitchen counter, head in his hands as he sobs. He had the entire night to say something and let them know what was happening, but he didn’t. He’s dying right in front of them, and he couldn’t bring himself to say anything. How long has it been since he found out? How much more time does he even have left?

Sighing heavily, Sapnap wipes away the purple tears that flow unceasingly down his cheeks. His entire face is practically soaked with the tears he’s shed, which is odd because he’s not used to crying this much. Hesitantly, he reaches for his phone in his pocket and dials a familiar number with a deep breath.

He has to tell someone.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i havent updated the character tags but i will with the next chapter :) guess who lol
> 
> thank you for all of the kudos, comments, and bookmarks!! i appreciate it a lot <3
> 
> also i think my computer is acting up because it keeps showing the end notes from chapter 1 with chapter 2 >:// idk why it’s doing that but i don’t know much about how to use ao3, so if i look a little dumb than oops \o/


	3. 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Somebody has to know.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'M SO SORRY FOR THE DELAY ON THIS CHAPTERRR :(  
> school has been so hectic, but I finally got through this chapter!! It had been sitting in my drafts, unedited, for like a month, but I finally got the motivation to clean it up and publish!! :) I'm not sure it's exactly as good as I would have liked, but I'm trying to get more comfortable with posting my writing even if I don't like it.  
> Thank you so much for all of the kind comments on this story! I'm so excited to continue it from here!

His cellphone buzzing beside him is what slowly pulls Bad out of his haze of sleep. It’s not too far along in the day, that much he can tell from the orange light of the still-rising sun peaking through his blinds. The light is soft and warm, shining into his messy room, and if it weren’t for the repetitive sounds from his phone he’d be content to go right back to sleep. He doesn’t though, and groans, as he reaches to hit ‘snooze’ on his alarm, but is rather surprised when tapping blindly at the middle of the screen, does nothing.

Bad sits up now, running a hand through his disheveled hair as he stares down at the phone. Blinking away the blurriness of sleep, he recognizes the text of a familiar name taking over his screen. _That’s weird, _he thinks, _why is Sapnap calling him so early? _Not one to overthink, Bad pulls his phone off of its charger and pulls it up to his ear, accepting the call.____

____“Sapnapppp,” Bad whines as rubs at his eyes. “It’s like, 8 am what do you neeeed?” He’s playfully drawing out his words, teasing his friend while stifling a yawn. Sapnap is rarely awake this early on a Saturday of his own accord, and neither is Bad- unless of course he has work, but a few days ago the younger man had specifically told Bad he had taken the weekend off to hang out with George and Dream. Those two have work, that much he can remember from conversations earlier in the week. Pouting a bit, Bad just waits for a response from his oddly quiet friend on the other end of the line._ _ _ _

____“...Bad?” Sapnap barely whispers his name, voice cracking with the effort to choke out a word. He sounds like he’s been crying, or at the very least, he’s on the verge of tears. Bad’s playful attitude is replaced immediately with a protective concern. Sapnap almost _never _calls him in… this kind of state, and he can’t help the aching feeling that something is very, very wrong.___ _ _ _

______“Sapnap, what’s wrong?” Bad asks, shoving himself free of the blanket so he can sit on the edge of his bed. “Are you crying?”_ _ _ _ _ _

______There’s a long pause before he does get a response, but he can’t miss the soft,“...yes.” from his friend. Okay, at least he’s being honest- that’s a good start, Bad thinks._ _ _ _ _ _

______“What happened?” He asks, pushing for the littlest bit of detail with a calm voice._ _ _ _ _ _

______There’s an even longer pause on the other line so Bad shuffles around the bedside table for his glasses, his eyes blurry from his own vision and the haze of sleep that still lingers. His search is interrupted by a sob on the other end of the line._ _ _ _ _ _

______“So much has happened.” Sapnap cries, and if he weren’t focused on being strong right now, hearing his friend in such despair would make Bad cry too._ _ _ _ _ _

______“Are you in your apartment?” Bad interrupts, and he decides to simply take action as he stands to search for the cleanest shirt or hoodie or whatever on his floor as possible. “Do I need to be worried? Because I can call someone for you if you’re hurt.”_ _ _ _ _ _

______Sapnap hums a yes to the first question and quickly declines the second. “Nonono,” There’s a pause, possibly him thinking, “It’s nothing like that, don’t worry.”_ _ _ _ _ _

______“So you aren’t in any immediate danger?” Bad pushes._ _ _ _ _ _

______“...no, I’m not,” Sapnap says, but he can’t hide the reluctance in his voice._ _ _ _ _ _

______“Okay, good, I’m leaving now anyway.” Bad decides, putting his phone on speaker so he can set it down and put on a different shirt. He doesn’t bother with fixing his hair, settling to just ruffle it loosely. “And I can be there in like 20 minutes, is that okay?”_ _ _ _ _ _

______“Yeah,” Sapnap replies._ _ _ _ _ _

______-_ _ _ _ _ _

______Bad stayed on the phone the entire drive to Sapnap’s apartment, and never in his life has the latter been so grateful for something so small. Bad maintains a pretty strict ‘no distractions while I’m driving’ rule, so they barely speak during the drive, but it makes Sapnap feel less alone so it works out. By the time Bad speaks up that he’s parking the car, Sapnap had even managed to stop the tears rolling down his face, and change into a hoodie with a little bit less purple on the sleeves._ _ _ _ _ _

______And then there’s a knock at the door, and the tears are threatening to flood his eyes all over again._ _ _ _ _ _

______The moment Sapnap opens the door, he’s engulfed in a tight hug. Bad is holding on for dear life, holding the younger man close, and slowly he returns the hug._ _ _ _ _ _

______“What’s going on?” Bad asks as he pulls away, placing both of his hands on Sapnap’s cheeks to inspect his face. Satisfied with his assessment and seeing no injury, he simply holds his hands there. “Are you hurt?”_ _ _ _ _ _

______“Um, no-” Sapnap pushes the hands out of his face, collecting his thoughts. Shit, he’s come this far. “Bad, you might wanna sit down for this.” Is he doing this right? Is he saying the right thing? He can’t even tell, and his hands are already shaking while his thoughts race with doubt. A few days ago, he had sat down at his dining room table and taken himself down the rabbit hole of internet forums. They ranged from instructions for writing a will to detailed help pages advising just how you’re supposed to tell your loved ones about your impending demise. Despite his hours of reading, now that someone is here in front of him to hear it, Sapnap can barely find the words._ _ _ _ _ _

______Confused but understanding, Bad guides them both to the couch and sits himself down. Sapnap does the same and takes a deep breath before beginning._ _ _ _ _ _

______“Bad, I’m uh… I’m really sick.” He starts, unable to look up and meet his friends worried and wide eyes. He plays with the strings of his hoodie awkwardly, staring at the couch space in between them. “Like, I’m not sure what’s going to happen, sick.”_ _ _ _ _ _

______Bad stares at him, already catching on to exactly where this is going. His mind is fuzzy, and he feels nauseous, but he nods along. Sapnap tries to ignore the obvious change in his friend's breathing as he, for both of their sake, holds back tears._ _ _ _ _ _

______“It’s a disease from my heart.” Sapnap continues, reaching a hand up to hold it against his chest over where the organ rests. “Also my eyes- mostly my eyes. And… it’s really rare, and it’s killing me. The doctor said it’s because I love someone who doesn’t love me back, and the only way to cure it is to confess to them, but I don’t know who it even is. I.. I’ve been getting worse lately, and I don’t… I don’t know who it is.”_ _ _ _ _ _

______Bad is frozen, his hands holding tightly onto the pillow beside him. There’s a long, drawn-out silence that leaves Sapnap wondering if he said the right things. Fuck, how do people do this-?_ _ _ _ _ _

______But Bad just nods, sniffling slightly. “Okay.” His voice cracks. “Okay, can I ask you questions? Or do you not want to talk about it?”_ _ _ _ _ _

______That’s a surprise to Sapnap, who blinks slowly at his friend. It takes him a moment to realize just how hard Bad is trying. His hands are clenched into tight fists around the pillow he’s holding, his eyes are wet with threatening tears, and his lips are pursed tightly in unexpressed shock. The sight is heartbreaking- _'He’s being strong for you.' _“You can ask questions.”___ _ _ _ _ _

________“Can you explain the disease more? What’s it called?”_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

________Sapnap thinks for a moment. “Star tears disease. Have you heard of hanahaki?” Sapnap continues when Bad nods slowly. “It’s like that, but different. When I cry, the tears are like purple little stars. They make noise, and shimmer or whatever, and stain anything they touch. The more I cry, the more my eyes get messed up. My vision has been getting worse lately, and it’s because of that. What happens next just depends. Either I’ll go fully blind, and then my brain will shut down and I’ll die a few weeks later, or it hits my brain harder than it hit’s my eyes and I’ll go into a coma. I’m not sure which, it varies from case to case. No one’s ever woken up once it gets that far.”_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

________Bad takes a shaking deep breath, listening carefully, and absorbing the information. “Okay, I understand. And you have no clue who you could be in love with?”_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

________Sapnap shakes his head no._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

________ _ _ _ _ _ _

________“But if you find them, you’ll be cured?”_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

________He nods to that question._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

________“You muffinhead!” Bad exclaims, his voice shaky and shocked. “Start off with that information next time, you made it sound so hopeless! Have you even looked yet?”_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

________“Yeah. I’ve probably texted, like, half the girls I know asking for a night out, and it’s gotten me nowhere.”_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

________Bad stares at him when he says that, like there’s something he so desperately wants to ask, but won’t._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

________“How long do you have left?”_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

________“At this rate? No more than two months.”_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

________“Who else knows?”_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

________“Just you, a-and my family.”_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

________“Sapnap!” Bad gasps, eyes wide with something akin to disappointment and confusion. ”What about Dream and George? They need to know too!”_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

________“I know!” Sapnap exclaims, burying his face in his hands. “I, I just, I can’t do it. I can’t say anything. I tried, so hard last night, I just couldn’t.”_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

________“Would it help if I’m there too?” Bad offers, and Sapnap thinks it through quietly._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

________“Honestly..?” He mumbles, scratching the back of his head awkwardly. “I think that would help a lot.”_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

________“Good, I'll text them and we'll figure out when to do it.” Bad quickly digs in his pockets for his phone, sending a quick text into their group chat. Dream is in class right now, and George is at work so neither of them will even read it for another few hours anyways, no need to keep it out to check. Bad sets his phone down._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

________“...Can I ask one more question?” Bad clears his throat, oddly quiet. “And I’m not trying to imply anything, and I know you won’t get offended by this so I have to ask- I just.. I think we should explore every possibility, okay?”_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

________“Okay?” Sapnap stares at Bad, confused. He looks sheepish, like he’s thinking carefully about how to ask his question. After a momentary pause, he speaks._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

________“Do you think it might be a guy?”_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

________This time, Sapnap has to pause- it’s not a surprising question, he’s asked himself that recently. His desperation for answers admittedly has caused massive confusion over his sexuality, but obviously, since he’s never dated men, it can’t be one. It’s as easy as that. The question still strikes an odd chord with him, and he lingers on it for too long. _'There’s no way it’d be a guy, I’d know- right...?' _He’s lost in his thoughts while he ponders his response, but his silence is suspicious enough for Bad to raise an eyebrow with a pointed look.___ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

__________“Sapnap?”_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

__________“No.” Sapnap says decisively, swallowing the lump in his throat. “No, it has to be a girl. I know that for sure. I don’t like boys, I would know if I did.”_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

__________Bad’s face is... completely unreadable, and the two share an unconvincing silence. They’re quick to move past it though as Bad places a hand on Sapnaps shoulder and pulls him in for another hug, tighter than the one they shared at the door._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

__________“If you say so. Sapnap, I don’t care who it is, but we’re going to find them okay? You don’t have to do this alone.”_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

__________Finally safe and comforted in the arms of his friend, relieved of the massive weight that had been holding him down alone for weeks, Sapnap cries._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

__________-_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

__________“You would tell me if it were me, right?” Bad inquires, briefly looking up from his phone._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

__________“Of course I would!” Sapnap exclaims. He trusts bad, he would tell him anything! “But it’s not.”_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

__________“I know it isn’t. Is it George?”_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

__________“Pfft, no.”_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

__________“Is it Dream?”_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

__________“..Bad, c’mon, I already told you it can’t be a guy.”_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Comments > kudos, but both are SO SO greatly appreciated!! I would love any constructive criticism, theories, thoughts, etc! it means the world to me <3 \o/  
> have a wonderful day/night!

**Author's Note:**

> pogchamp


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